Life Lessons from the Ingalls Family - Caroline Ingalls

 Caroline Ingalls:

It's great to have good neighbors!

Just assume you'll be working all day, every day - except Sundays, of course.

Don't complain about what you don't have, be grateful for what you DO have.

Never let your man take a trip into town if you suspect a snowstorm is coming. Just go with your gut.

Christmas can always be made special, no matter how little you have.

Never throw away old clothes. Cut them up and make them into something else.

It doesn't matter their race, you can't trust strange men.

Even if you see no other human soul for months, always use your best table manners.

Education for your children is of utmost importance.

If you can convince your husband, always live in or near a town.

Salt pork is the end-all seasoning for any bland food.

Only foreign women work in the fields, unless your husband has no way to finish the harvest on time.

You don't need much money if you can make most things by yourself.

Don't make enemies with the locals, cook them as much cornmeal as they ask you to give them.

It's shameful to come out of your room in your pajamas.

If your life seems to be at its lowest of lows, it might help to sing your favorite hymn about heaven.

All's well that ends well, even if you almost just got killed.

Why is Rex in quarantine???

Recently when speaking to friends I have mentioned that Rex is in quarantine. People become alarmed and wonder ,"Why? What happened?"

There really is no cause for alarm, Rex is not sick (as far as we know).

Here is what happened. Two weeks ago, Rex flew to Seattle and back in order to initiate his residency in the United States. Unfortunately that was the only way to do that, even though travel at this time is not ideal by any means. You can read all about how we planned the trip in my last post.

So why quarantine? This is Taiwan's policy. If you've been out of the country you need to self quarantine for 14 days before you're allowed to leave your home. This quarantine is strictly enforced.

How does quarantine work here?

First, when you arrive at the airport, a special quarantine taxi will drive you back to wherever you're spending your period of isolation. They track your location on your phone and if your phone dies or if you leave the area in which you are quarantining, the police will come to make sure you're staying alone.

Also, they will ask you to check your temperature and symptoms each day and report that to them in a daily phone call. There is also someone who is kind of in charge of making sure you have everything you need, etc.

In Rex's first day of quarantine a lady came by with a bag of commodities and food. Actually, I'm not sure what all was in it except rice, garbage bags, and bleach. I suspect there were other items as well, but I can't say what since Rex didn't show me.

Furthermore, if you have people in your house under the age of 6, or over the age of 65 you are required to remain separate from them. Since we have a baby, I am not allowed to come into contact with Rex this whole time. So he has to self-isolate in his own bedroom/bathroom. I cannot imagine how we would have survived this period in our last studio apartment. I think the only option would have been for me to stay with my in-laws. But Rex likely would have gone stir crazy (more than he is here) because the only view out the window was the back of another apartment building, there was next to no sunlight visible, and the air was often full of the smell of frying oil or fish from our neighbors. Gross! Also, Rex would have had to endure the daily dose of neighbors singing melodramatic karaoke songs with that weird echo effect to sound like they're in an auditorium (which of course, they're not!) Rex detests the sound of karaoke.

Because the average time for the onset of COVID symptoms is five days, Rex had me and the baby staying at a BNB in the neighborhood for those first five days. Then we moved back home. But baby and I are sharing our own bedroom and Rex is stuck inside of his own room.

In some ways this ought to be perfect for Rex because now he can spend as much time at whatever time he likes working on his research without disrupting my sleep or routine. I think he stayed up all night the last three nights, and I wouldn't be surprised if that's what he's been doing most days.

Thus, you can see how quarantine is done here in Taiwan and why.

How are we coping, and what have we learned in the process?

I think Ioanna has been acting a little unusually lately, a little more clingy, a little more likely to express strong complaints, and I can't say if this is because of her age or because of the events of the last two weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if somehow she misses daddy.

Rex is, naturally, feeling cooped up. But he has mountain views and he got to see a double rainbow yesterday morning. When I go out on a walk, I will give him a video call and just let him see where we're going. This way he gets to at least vicariously experience the wind, the lake, the trees, and nature. But it makes him dizzy because I can't keep the camera very steady while walking for my own pleasure.

For my own sake, I find that this quarantine time has actually helped me become more aware of my own actions, my own habits, and how I can do much better at keeping up with chores, etc., without putting things off and letting the piled up tasks overwhelm me. So the house has actually been cleaner, the meals have been more timely, and I've even been going out for lengthy walks some days. I've also binged on listening to books and am close to finishing my third within 16 days. Oh, and I've been doing some professional development for my English teaching.

I can't say that it's always easy. Naturally, it's a bit more difficult that I can't ever ask Rex to hold the baby for awhile, or that I can't leave her in her crib while I dump the trash. She has begun crawling with her tummy off the ground and pulling up on furniture while we were at the BNB, so she sometimes pulls up on the crib rails and then loses her balance. I'm afraid of her hitting her head on the rails behind her, so the other day I just set her on the shock absorbing mat in the living room and asked Rex to observe her from his room with the door open while I went to dump the garbage.

Or when I go grocery shopping, I can't leave the baby behind with Rex, or bring Rex along to help carry things. So the other day Ioanna fell asleep in the car within five minutes or so, and I had to wake her to go buy food. I carried her on my back while buying food. But upon returning home (since I had purchased a lot of items and they were heavy) I needed to unload them and the baby before parking the car in its place about a block or two away. I think I put her down for a nap before parking the car, if I remember correctly.

I'm just thankful we have the car now, otherwise I would have to walk 10+ minutes to buy groceries and I would have to go more frequently because I would only be able to buy what I can carry. Well, I should acknowledge that we have friends in the area who have offered to help us pick up groceries if we need anything, but up until now we haven't needed to ask them for this kind of assistance.

For the record, Rex is still feeling fine and has only three more days left of quarantine.

On Immigration, Visas, Delays, and Quarantines

I am writing this blog today because I realize there are a number of people who have asked me and Rex the same question, "When are you coming back to the States?" At this point it looks like we will return in January 2021, if the Lord is wiling. If you don't want to read the following story, and just want to know our outcome, please skip ahead to the final paragraph.

In life many things happen that are outside of our control, a pandemic is just one of them.

Here in Taiwan the virus has been exceptionally well controlled, there have been no local cases since April, and there have been less than 500 total cases in a country of a densely packed 23 million population. We feel safe here, the face masks have been doffed, life is surprisingly normal in spite of what's happening around the globe. The only things we have to fear here are earthquakes and typhoons.

If it were just Rex and me, we might be returning to the States, or maybe even have returned a few months ago. But now we have a baby, a six month old baby who loves to crawl all over the place and put everything into her mouth. We don't consider it worth the risk at this time to return to the States where the COVID cases keep going up. For this reason we have rented an apartment for six months in a smaller town that is cheaper and larger than our previous apartment.

But there is a slight dilemma. In order for Rex to make his living as a graduate student research assistant, he has to have authorization to work in the United States. He has a visa in his passport that allows him to enter the country, but he has to enter before August 17th in order to attain his green card and therefore resident status. This will make him able to work in research at UW Madison even while remaining physically here in Taiwan. Plane tickets are scarce, and travel is risky. If he is going to enter the US border, ideally he would have a direct flight there and back with no quarantine requirement upon arrival in the US.

Here is what our questions are:

-  When is the absolute deadline for Rex to enter the US border?

-  Upon arrival in the US, will Rex have to quarantine?

-  Will the border patrol permit him to go through customs in an airport far away from the State where he later intends to take up residence, such as Guam or Hawaii? And will they further allow him to turn right back around, board the same plane, and return to Taiwan the same day he arrived?

-  Are there any flights to Guam or Hawaii which are geographically closer than the mainland?

-  How to prevent catching anything while riding on the plane and sitting in airports?

-  Is there any other alternative to flying into the States?

-  Upon return to Taiwan, what exactly are the quarantine requirements?

-  Will it be better for Rex to stay in the apartment with me and the baby for his quarantine? Or will we have to find a way for me and the baby to stay somewhere else?

So we did some research, some really complicated research that took a couple of days of focused questioning, phone calls, reading, etc. I will give a summary at the end, but if you want to know something about the process, keep reading here.

Even though Rex has been working on research for his lab since several months ago, he hasn't gotten the offer letter and a start date until recently. The deadline on his visa to enter the US is August 17th, but he would have to submit a form to his school within three days of his start date (August 10th) in order to show his authorization to work in the States. That would mean his deadline for travel would be moved a bit sooner, to August 13th. But we were able to talk to the lady who sorts out these payroll matters and ask if Rex's start date could be moved to August 17th so that he has another week of options available to him for flights. The flights really are quite complicated right now as flights are scarce and most of them are twice as expensive as they normally would be.

And then Rex remembered that when he enters the States, the expiration date on his passport has to be no earlier than six months away. He would not be able to fulfill that requirement even now, so he had to make an errand to Taipei on Monday (7/27) to renew his passport paying an extra $30usd to expedite the process so he could get the new passport the next day.

But which port of entry should Rex go to? Guam does not currently require a quarantine for visitors coming from Taiwan if visiting for less than five days, but finding a flight to Guam means layovers in Korea and Japan. It is extremely difficult to find flights to Hawaii at this time, and I don't believe any of those would be direct flights, either. All direct flights to and from Taiwan land in the following cities: Houston, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, and (oh, what was the other one?) The cheapest of these would be Seattle for about 56,000 TWD, or $1,910 USD. But flying to Seattle also means a fourteen hour flight there, a space of ten hours in the airport and a 14 hour flight back. This would be a very long and tiring day for Rex. Would there be a transit hotel he can sleep in at the airport? This is another question to which we still need to find the answer.

We also learned that in Seattle, there is no quarantine requirement for anybody, only a quarantine recommendation, which in our case is ideal since Rex doesn't want to have to stay any longer than necessary. Because we couldn't find specific answers to some of our questions, we made a couple of phone calls to authorities in different places.

We called the border patrol in Guam. 

"Is it a problem if I go through customs, turn around and get back on the same flight?" 

"No," was the answer, "That would not be an issue."

We called the USCIS (United States Center of Immigration Services) and the American Institute of Taiwan (the substitute for a consulate here since Taiwan doesn't have diplomatic status). 

"Will it be a problem if I enter the border without my wife with me?" 

Again, "No, there is no such rule requiring your wife/petitioner to cross the border with you." 

"Does this effect my wife's domicile requirement?" (I have to maintain domicile, or an intention to return to living in the States, in order to petition for Rex to become a resident.)

"No, it doesn't."

Oh, what a relief!

After some calculations, we realized that, although Guam is geographically closer, between all the layovers and flight changes, and the uncertainty of quarantine requirements in those layover locations, it turns out that flying to Seattle was still the best option.

So after returning to Taiwan, what are the quarantine requirements? We know that, of course, Rex has to be quarantined for fourteen days. We have a couple of friends who had to complete the quarantine, and they had the option of staying together with family in the same place, and their family could still come and go. One family chose to put the returning family member in a space of her own with bathroom, kitchen, everything she might need. Another couple we know, the husband and the wife simply shared the same apartment. But after a phone call to a government official, Rex was asked,

"Are there any elderly people in your home over the age of 65?'

"No, but we have a six month old baby who is not yet weaned."

"Oh, then you can't have contact with either of them for two weeks. You could stay in a special hotel, or your wife and baby could stay somewhere else, or you could stay in a room by yourself with your own bathroom. But when you receive meals, your wife would have to set it down, walk away, and then you could come and take the food."

Ok, so now my question is about dishes and laundry. How would we keep from spreading stuff around if I still have to complete those tasks?

At this time it looks as if I will learn what it feels like to be a single mom for a span of two weeks. I'll have to make all the food, all the coffee, do most of the chores with no help from anyone. Or perhaps I'll let Rex do all his own chores and stay with someone else for a time. I might have to postpone or cancel my teaching appointments that were going to be done in person in order to further prevent spread, this kind of thing. But we'll figure it out and muddle through.

In addition, we are very, very thankful for the new apartment with mountain views on each side. It makes it hard to feel like your stuck inside all day even if you don't get the chance to leave the house, or if you're in quarantine. The new apartment also has two bedrooms and a study, two bathrooms, a living room and dining room, as well as a kitchen and two balconies. 

So here's the summary I promised you:

Rex will fly to Seattle next week Wednesday (8/5) and return to Taiwan right away arriving early in the morning on Friday (8/7). Then he will fulfill his two week quarantine with no contact with me or the baby. This will enable him to be paid for his research at UW Madison.

On Protests and Riots

Recently I was sitting in a restaurant here in Taiwan enjoying my lunch when I saw a video of a man pinned to the ground by a police officer whose knee was on the man’s neck. I then saw some crazy video footage of an auto parts store burning. The sound on the TV was off, and the only information on the screen was in Chinese subtitles so I didn’t actually understand what I was seeing. While it was unnerving to see that the man on the ground seemed to be struggling, I didn’t realize that I was seeing a man in his final breaths. I also didn’t particularly take note of the fact that the man on the ground was black and the cop was white.

Eventually I began to hear what kinds of things were happening in not only the Twin Cities where the event took place, but also in my home state in the capitol city of Madison - the very city where we plan to move upon our return to the US.

Since that time I began to get some kind of collection of what is happening, and I heard the same story told with different undertones and overtones.

One person said that protesting the death of George Floyd was only the tip of the iceberg, that there is someone paying people to riot and to take part in destructive behavior in order to weaken the US with anarchy. That seemed to me a big concept, and it actually provoked further digging. I haven’t heard the same story from any other corner, so far, and at this point I can’t verify whether it has factual or fictional basis.

Another version of the story was pointing out that in Floyd’s autopsy it turned out he tested positive for COVID. This story was further illustrating what the black community has been going through during this pandemic and how, unfortunately, the black community in the US has been in a much more vulnerable state to be hit by the pandemic than the white community. For example, having less accessibility to tests, less access to information about the pandemic, less of a luxury to be able to take off from work or to work from home, as well as a myriad of other things, such as how common close dwelling situations and multi-generation dwellings are. This story, really, had little to do so much with the actual protests, and more with some of the things that might be spilling over into the current protests and riots.

I was talking to a friend today whose summary of the situation is that there needs to be dialogue in order to better address the questions of racial equality. He was saying that it is a very complex situation, and the solutions that will improve the life situations of the black community are equally complex. He also pointed out that while this is clearly an instance of police brutality, he didn’t see anything that specifically painted it a black vs. white issue. I asked him, “do you think police brutality happens against white people as well?” His answer was, definitely it does, we just don’t hear about it as often.

So I have a few questions at this point which aren’t really answered. We know that racial equality has gained support over the last several decades, and I personally believe that it is becoming less of an issue than it was in the past. Does it still exist? Yes, I believe it does. But why? Is it because of racial prejudice on its own? Is it because of problems on the part of the black or the white community? Is it related to the generally higher crime rates in predominantly black areas and the other issues that go alongside of that? While I am not racist, I also have had limited interaction with blacks largely because of where I lived when growing up and the circle of people with whom I spent my time. I have known blacks in a variety of contexts, but at this point I don’t have very many close friends who are black. I have one such friend and she’s lovely. She is married to a white guy, and they have a couple of super cute mixed kids. She is generally my go-to person when I have questions about race (culture, prejudice, whatever) in the US. I say that to point out that I have limited first-hand experience understanding the mentality, culture, family dynamics, etc., of African-Americans. What I do have is first hand experience with a marginalized people group in Romania - the Roma who are more commonly referred to as Gypsies.

For myself, I’m watching this situation from the other side of the world and I feel that it gives me a little more of a distance with which to consider it all. In the last year I’ve also read a few things which shed for me a different light on these events and give me a different perspective than I would have otherwise.

1. The Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance
2. The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt
3. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
4. A podcast about the life story of Ida B. Wells from The History Chicks

While one of these sources is fictional, it gives narrative to deeply racially rooted problems which happened repeatedly in the South - lynchings of blacks and in particular black men. Ida B. Wells was a lady who made continual efforts to expose these lynchings and how unjust they were, and usually unfounded as well. She did this by writing about them and describing them in detail. While the other two books are not actually addressing matters of race, they also are of value in this situation.

In The Hillbilly Elegy, Vance describes the life of not blacks, but rather white, working class people whose roots are in the Appalachia mountains. He describes life in a community that is full of the same crises as much of the black community such as poverty, drug and alcohol abuse, domestic turmoil and violence, family structural issues including single parent homes, and so on. Another issue he describes in these hillbillies is an illusion of their own goodness, their own work ethic, their own noble causes while not actually doing anything to further any of those things. While it is not about the black community, it has helped me to see why the solutions to help communities with these types of problems are actually very complex and in no way straight forward. He also describes the types of insane measures often taken by hillbillies in order to protect the honor of one of their women or to stand up to insults made against your family. Vance describes an instance where an uncle of his was called a son of a b****. The uncle took this as an insult against his mother. His response was to beat the guy up and run an electric saw up and down the man’s body. The guy didn’t die, but came close to it. But the police often don’t step in on matters such as these in Appalachia. In this sense, I feel it also helps me understand a little better the mindset of those who lynched black men on the flimsy accusations of raping one of their women - including the dad and daughter from the hills that Harper Lee introduces us to.

The Coddling of the American Mind is mostly addressing the issue of young people who are in their college years now. They have been raised in an ultra-safe environment where even ideas that challenge their own perspectives are viewed as hostile and unsafe. These young people feel threatened by just about anything because of having lived a life of over-protection from teachers and parents and society at large. Lukianoff and Haidt paint examples of people who essentially became riotous on their campuses in response to some stimuli or another. I remember reading, for example, about a girl who felt like she didn’t fit in on her college campus as a Latino in a predominantly White setting. She wrote a letter to someone, I believe the dean of the school, and received back a very respectful letter from someone who wanted to have open dialogue with her and work to find solutions to make students like this Latino girl feel more at home. But there was one line in the whole letter where the wording turned off this young lady entirely along the lines of “I’m sorry you don’t fit in here...” This resulted in an angry social media post, which resulted in throngs of people ganging up on the dean and even demanding she be fired. This type of scenario is what the authors call a “witch hunt.” The idea is that people get worked up about something, and their response to fix the problem lacks rationale and reason. The response also results in someone becoming a target of the many.

Why do I bring up these two books? While I think protests can be useful in raising awareness of the current issues, I don’t believe the riots serve that purpose at all. The riots and looting don’t correct the wrong that was done, nor do they enhance the lives of those in either the black or white communities. To me, these riots look quite a lot like witch hunts. I do hope for improvement of those whose lives seem to be caught in an ever-downward spiral towards poverty, oppression, and marginalization. I also see from Vance’s description of his hillbilly community that truly there are so many things that need to be improved, but they will take not only the effort of the society as a whole, but also the effort and knowledge on the part of those who are caught in the cycle of poverty. They have to know that what they do does matter, it does have results whether good or bad, and they have to take responsibility for their own actions. If help is offered, but the people don’t take hold of it or don’t know how to use the help offered them, it doesn’t do any good.

So these are my inconclusive thoughts so far on a very deep issue, one which sprung out as a result of an unjust death at the hands of a police officer.