I have been reading a lot more in the last year or so than I have been previously. I don't mean reading for school, but reading for my own enjoyment. Or should I say listening? Because most of my books have mostly been in the form of audio books.
They have included titles in many categories including the following:
-- Novels --
Sense and Sensibility
Emma
Mansfield Park
The Help
Little Women
Go Set a Watchman
-- Children's Fiction --
The Trumpet of the Swan
The Little Princess
Nancy Drew - The Secret of the Old Clock
-- Children's Stories --
Lentil
Make Way for Ducklings
Burt Dow Deep Water Man
Blueberries for Sal
One Morning In Maine
-- Mysteries --
The Reckoning
Murder at the Brightwell
Murder at the Vicarage
Evil Under the Sun
-- Biographies and Autobiographies --
The King's Speech
Einstein
When Breath Becomes Air
-- Life Advice --
French Women Don't Get Fat
At Home With Madame Chic
Bullet Journal - The Method
The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up
What the Most Successful People do Before Breakfast
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People
Rare Leadership
Love and Respect
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
Taking Charge of Your Fertility
The Meaning of Marriage
Sheet Music
His Needs, Her Needs
The Language of Love and Respect
What I've noticed is that where I used to just enjoy stories (biographies, autobiographies, novels, children's literature) I am noticing a trend where I am reading about how to do things. Notice, that wasn't books about how to make things (which has historically also been a favorite category of mine) but how to do things that will prove useful in life. The question is: has this trend come from a long while of studying at Moody, or from watching Rex research things he wants to know how to do better at?
Friday, November 30, 2018
Thursday, November 29, 2018
School Assignments that make you feel vulnerable
The other day I had to post a video on YouTube of me teaching a Bible lesson to an audience. I invited two of my coworkers over first to play the role of elementary school kids, and then to switch roles to real adults and review my performance.
I didn't particularly like how I did on the project, and I feel vulnerable having to actually post it online. Good thing I have the option of making it a private video where only people with the link can access it, such as my professor.
It's just a class, so it's a safe place for mistakes and failure, but I think what makes me feel vulnerable is the fact that I have to receive a grade back for it - something I'm not particularly looking forward to.
I didn't particularly like how I did on the project, and I feel vulnerable having to actually post it online. Good thing I have the option of making it a private video where only people with the link can access it, such as my professor.
It's just a class, so it's a safe place for mistakes and failure, but I think what makes me feel vulnerable is the fact that I have to receive a grade back for it - something I'm not particularly looking forward to.
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Mail and Visa applications
We move in 27 days. That's not very long from now.
We are in the process of applying for a Taiwanese visa. We have all the papers together in a file ready to be mailed. They have been sitting in the filing drawers for several weeks now.
Why haven't we mailed it?
We are waiting for the final detail to arrive in the mail: a document that has been express-mailed from Taiwan at the beginning of November. It was supposed to arrive within 10 business days, but it's stuck in Chicago somewhere.
We received a letter last week from USPS International Research something or other. It was a paper asking if we had received this letter, that the Taiwanese government was asking if it had come or not. I returned it with an X in the spot stating the letter had not come.
Rex called USPS today to try and find where it ended up. He waited on the line for 40 minutes. No one picked up. Finally, he hung up the phone. There are other, more urgent things to do today than track an express letter three weeks late - things like finish a doctoral paper before its deadline tomorrow.
One day the document might come and we can continue the application process. Until then I'm checking my mailbox daily - and hoping.
Disclaimer: I'm not too worried about the situation (only frustrated) because I know I can go to Taiwan for an entire three months without needing a visa for entry. This process is for a residence visa as the spouse of a Taiwanese citizen. This route is the way the we've been told we need to do it. We are just becoming aware of how little control we really have over the mailing system.
We are in the process of applying for a Taiwanese visa. We have all the papers together in a file ready to be mailed. They have been sitting in the filing drawers for several weeks now.
Why haven't we mailed it?
We are waiting for the final detail to arrive in the mail: a document that has been express-mailed from Taiwan at the beginning of November. It was supposed to arrive within 10 business days, but it's stuck in Chicago somewhere.
We received a letter last week from USPS International Research something or other. It was a paper asking if we had received this letter, that the Taiwanese government was asking if it had come or not. I returned it with an X in the spot stating the letter had not come.
Rex called USPS today to try and find where it ended up. He waited on the line for 40 minutes. No one picked up. Finally, he hung up the phone. There are other, more urgent things to do today than track an express letter three weeks late - things like finish a doctoral paper before its deadline tomorrow.
One day the document might come and we can continue the application process. Until then I'm checking my mailbox daily - and hoping.
Disclaimer: I'm not too worried about the situation (only frustrated) because I know I can go to Taiwan for an entire three months without needing a visa for entry. This process is for a residence visa as the spouse of a Taiwanese citizen. This route is the way the we've been told we need to do it. We are just becoming aware of how little control we really have over the mailing system.
Scribe?
I figured it out. I'm a scribe. Or maybe a secretary, I'm not sure which.
I have been helping my husband write his doctoral thesis proposal. He's a verbal processor, so sometimes I let him talk while I type what he says. It makes the painful process much easier for him.
I have learned about dendrites, endothelium cells, neurovascular coupling, electrical signals, blood flow, and pericytes just from helping him type and explain concepts to me in order to ensure they are simply enough expressed to be understood by people outside his own field.
In ancient times, the scribes understood quite a lot of information including the law because, as they copied down the words, they learned the material inside and out. I have not reached this level of expertise, but perhaps one day I will be if I continue transcribing doctoral level work.
This reminds me a little of the mom in Cheaper by the Dozen and Belles on Their Toes. Mr. Gilbreth was an efficiency expert and, together with his wife, he would find the most efficient techniques to move and do work in factories, etc. He even developed a time efficient way of bathing and taught his children how to bathe within the time of a record (not a long record, apparently). He died while his family of twelve was still not yet grown, and Mrs. Gilbreth began traveling and showing his work to others. People who were the recipients of her presentations were often surprised to see a woman show up to their conferences and events thinking that she would be a man. In those days women were not often involved in that kind of work.
So, for now I'm acting as scribe and slowly becoming more knowledgeable about the inner workings of the brain.
I have been helping my husband write his doctoral thesis proposal. He's a verbal processor, so sometimes I let him talk while I type what he says. It makes the painful process much easier for him.
I have learned about dendrites, endothelium cells, neurovascular coupling, electrical signals, blood flow, and pericytes just from helping him type and explain concepts to me in order to ensure they are simply enough expressed to be understood by people outside his own field.
In ancient times, the scribes understood quite a lot of information including the law because, as they copied down the words, they learned the material inside and out. I have not reached this level of expertise, but perhaps one day I will be if I continue transcribing doctoral level work.
This reminds me a little of the mom in Cheaper by the Dozen and Belles on Their Toes. Mr. Gilbreth was an efficiency expert and, together with his wife, he would find the most efficient techniques to move and do work in factories, etc. He even developed a time efficient way of bathing and taught his children how to bathe within the time of a record (not a long record, apparently). He died while his family of twelve was still not yet grown, and Mrs. Gilbreth began traveling and showing his work to others. People who were the recipients of her presentations were often surprised to see a woman show up to their conferences and events thinking that she would be a man. In those days women were not often involved in that kind of work.
So, for now I'm acting as scribe and slowly becoming more knowledgeable about the inner workings of the brain.
Saturday, November 17, 2018
Long Distance Relationship part 2
Today while listening to music I heard a lovely cover of a song which included these lyrics: "I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again." It took me back to the distinct memory of a feeling like my heart was being torn out as I took off from Chicago nearly three years ago after saying my goodbyes to Rex and my parents in the airport. I know that sounds dramatic, and I'm not much of one for drama, but it truly was quite dramatic. When I left at that time I didn't know if I would be staying 3 months, six months, a year, or perhaps forever. I was leaving and putting the results of the relationship into God's hands. Hearing the song again today left me in tears.
Switchfoot's "Enough to Let Me Go" has a similar affect on me. It was a song I listened to over and over as I was preparing to leave for Romania nearly three years ago, and which serenaded me on Spotify as I would work on projects in the room where I was staying.
As the sequel to my introduction of the topic of long distance relationships, today I will describe some of the challenges we faced using the same bullet points I used in my last post.
1. Time difference
We know, of course, that people on the other side of the world sleep while we're awake and are awake while we sleep, but Rex and I also learned that talking at 7am his time and 3pm my time found us communicating in entirely different moods. He would be slow and sleepy, I would be in high gear, full of energy to get things done. Deep or meaningful conversations don't happen too easily in this kind of scenario. Regardless, we found ways to work around this.
2. Figuring out when schedules allowed for talking
Rex and I wanted to be involved in friendships and responsibilities around us, and not simply become distractions to each other. So, we looked decided that there were three times of the day that we were allowed to text or make a phone call. That was usually my morning before 8am (12am CST), 3pm (7am CST), and my night time at or before 10pm (2pm CST). Any other time of day we were restricted from texts and phone calls which would distract from work. We liked to use,
- Google Docs
- Email
- Voice recordings
- Video recording (although we didn't do this often)
Usually we talked at his 11pm and my 7am often for about an hour. I know it sounds like a lot, but we had a lot to say. As we hung up we were never sure whether to say "good morning" or "goodnight." Also, weekends aren't necessarily free days when you're working in missions because you ministry happens when the people are available, such as weekends and evenings.
3. We didn't want to distract from other friendships or responsibilities
We really learned from observing what didn't work so well for us. For example, there was a time some guests came to eat dinner at the home where I was staying, and I was invited to join. I remember being largely absorbed in a texting conversation with Rex and later realizing that this was inhibiting me from connecting well with the people around me. So we really tried not to be on our phones talking to each other when it was a beneficial time to spend time with other people. But we had to be careful to prioritize our time with each other as well - especially if it was a scheduled call.
During much of my time in Romania I had limited or no cellular data, so that meant I also couldn't make or receive calls unless I was home or at another place with WiFi. Eventually I realized that it was totally worth it to pay for better phone service with international minutes as well as more GB and faster internet signal. This paid off the week I went camping and the time we went on a walk together - he along Lake Michigan and me along the Danube River. That way we were able to walk next to water "together."
4. Having marriage in mind (and the accompanying pressures)
We both were of the mind that our dating relationship was ultimately for the purpose of understanding each other well enough to know if marriage was right for us. Rex made it a point to ask my dad's permission before we made the relationship official, and the topic of marriage had come up a couple of times before I left for Romania. If he weren't someone I were considering marrying, I wouldn't have bothered with a long distance relationship anyway. I would have said goodbye and not looked back. But having seen some of his character and realizing that guys like him are hard to find, I decided to take the risk, to pray about it, to get to know him better just as he was getting to know me. If we reached the point where we realized the relationship shouldn't continue towards marriage, we would revert to being just friends.
That being said, there were tons and tons of questions in my mind that I wanted to talk with Rex about. Someone once suggested that it was healthy to limit our conversations to texting during the week and save phone calls for the weekend. In the end I realized that this only created unnecessary pressures and strain on an already strained situation. Texting is far less efficient than calling anyway, and, eventually I would just call him in the mornings before heading out for the day.
This made life much better because I got things off my chest when they were bothering me instead of trying to bottle them up and save them for the perfect time. And if I had free time when Rex was busy or sleeping I could always get the message to him using email, google docs, etc. While I was away I learned to confide in Rex about most things and we became very close this way.
5. Not getting to hang out with each other or in each other's social groups
From the beginning there was this sense that being long distance meant we couldn't go out to eat together, go on walks together, play games together, spend time together with people who are important to us. Rex said that looking at it this way was only going to put a negative spin on things, and it was much better to look for things we can do together.
For this reason we looked for ways to create special moments in unique ways. We played Words with Friends on our phones, we played Sudoku on video calls, ate breakfast and dinner together in a video call (remember the time change?). We sent each other gifts on birthdays, sent a few letters and post cards in the mail, and we even arranged a three way call between us and his family in Taiwan. This involved three time zones. Sometimes our phone conversations were a Chinese language lesson. I also taught him a few things in Romanian, mostly terms of affection, of course. And of course, as I mentioned earlier, the walk we took along a body of water - albeit different bodies of water.
6. Others
People generally didn't understand our relationship. People didn't know what we were like together, some were skeptical of our relationship (including my dad and Rex's mentor). Many people thought we had met online. Friends or roommates would make fun of me if I told them something Rex did that I thought was very sweet. Some people would just ask me if I wanted to marry him, and I was definitely still in the stage that I really didn't know yet. It was a process that we were working through. I found two people I could talk with about our relationship, my sisters Laura and Ginnie. They didn't make fun of me, they helped me think about what was healthy, what was not. They let me confide in them, etc. Honestly, because of being gone for so long and friends in the US feeling distant and friends in Romania not feeling close enough to be confidants, I ended up confiding in Rex more and more.
Not getting to hug or hold hands was especially hard as well. I'll be honest, there were several times I dreamed that Rex was right there in the room with me, he was so close, but I still couldn't hug him or hold his hand.
I should also mention that not knowing when I would return was very hard. It became especially hard when I realized the funds I had would last longer than the six months I had originally estimated and I could stay closer to nine months. I was torn. Should I work in Romania longer, should I return to Rex like I so badly wanted to do? When I told Rex my dilemma, he reassured me repeatedly with the words, "Rachy, I'm here for you. I'm waiting for you. I'm not going anywhere." I think he already knew he wanted to marry me.
That was my first glimpse of the vows he said on our wedding day, but they were comforting words, words I needed to hear at the time.
This sums up my description of most of the challenges we faced in a long distance relationship. I hope eventually to write about some of the benefits involved as well as the unique aspects of coming home at the end of my time in Romania.
Switchfoot's "Enough to Let Me Go" has a similar affect on me. It was a song I listened to over and over as I was preparing to leave for Romania nearly three years ago, and which serenaded me on Spotify as I would work on projects in the room where I was staying.
As the sequel to my introduction of the topic of long distance relationships, today I will describe some of the challenges we faced using the same bullet points I used in my last post.
1. Time difference
We know, of course, that people on the other side of the world sleep while we're awake and are awake while we sleep, but Rex and I also learned that talking at 7am his time and 3pm my time found us communicating in entirely different moods. He would be slow and sleepy, I would be in high gear, full of energy to get things done. Deep or meaningful conversations don't happen too easily in this kind of scenario. Regardless, we found ways to work around this.
2. Figuring out when schedules allowed for talking
Rex and I wanted to be involved in friendships and responsibilities around us, and not simply become distractions to each other. So, we looked decided that there were three times of the day that we were allowed to text or make a phone call. That was usually my morning before 8am (12am CST), 3pm (7am CST), and my night time at or before 10pm (2pm CST). Any other time of day we were restricted from texts and phone calls which would distract from work. We liked to use,
- Google Docs
- Voice recordings
- Video recording (although we didn't do this often)
Usually we talked at his 11pm and my 7am often for about an hour. I know it sounds like a lot, but we had a lot to say. As we hung up we were never sure whether to say "good morning" or "goodnight." Also, weekends aren't necessarily free days when you're working in missions because you ministry happens when the people are available, such as weekends and evenings.
3. We didn't want to distract from other friendships or responsibilities
We really learned from observing what didn't work so well for us. For example, there was a time some guests came to eat dinner at the home where I was staying, and I was invited to join. I remember being largely absorbed in a texting conversation with Rex and later realizing that this was inhibiting me from connecting well with the people around me. So we really tried not to be on our phones talking to each other when it was a beneficial time to spend time with other people. But we had to be careful to prioritize our time with each other as well - especially if it was a scheduled call.
During much of my time in Romania I had limited or no cellular data, so that meant I also couldn't make or receive calls unless I was home or at another place with WiFi. Eventually I realized that it was totally worth it to pay for better phone service with international minutes as well as more GB and faster internet signal. This paid off the week I went camping and the time we went on a walk together - he along Lake Michigan and me along the Danube River. That way we were able to walk next to water "together."
4. Having marriage in mind (and the accompanying pressures)
We both were of the mind that our dating relationship was ultimately for the purpose of understanding each other well enough to know if marriage was right for us. Rex made it a point to ask my dad's permission before we made the relationship official, and the topic of marriage had come up a couple of times before I left for Romania. If he weren't someone I were considering marrying, I wouldn't have bothered with a long distance relationship anyway. I would have said goodbye and not looked back. But having seen some of his character and realizing that guys like him are hard to find, I decided to take the risk, to pray about it, to get to know him better just as he was getting to know me. If we reached the point where we realized the relationship shouldn't continue towards marriage, we would revert to being just friends.
That being said, there were tons and tons of questions in my mind that I wanted to talk with Rex about. Someone once suggested that it was healthy to limit our conversations to texting during the week and save phone calls for the weekend. In the end I realized that this only created unnecessary pressures and strain on an already strained situation. Texting is far less efficient than calling anyway, and, eventually I would just call him in the mornings before heading out for the day.
This made life much better because I got things off my chest when they were bothering me instead of trying to bottle them up and save them for the perfect time. And if I had free time when Rex was busy or sleeping I could always get the message to him using email, google docs, etc. While I was away I learned to confide in Rex about most things and we became very close this way.
5. Not getting to hang out with each other or in each other's social groups
From the beginning there was this sense that being long distance meant we couldn't go out to eat together, go on walks together, play games together, spend time together with people who are important to us. Rex said that looking at it this way was only going to put a negative spin on things, and it was much better to look for things we can do together.
For this reason we looked for ways to create special moments in unique ways. We played Words with Friends on our phones, we played Sudoku on video calls, ate breakfast and dinner together in a video call (remember the time change?). We sent each other gifts on birthdays, sent a few letters and post cards in the mail, and we even arranged a three way call between us and his family in Taiwan. This involved three time zones. Sometimes our phone conversations were a Chinese language lesson. I also taught him a few things in Romanian, mostly terms of affection, of course. And of course, as I mentioned earlier, the walk we took along a body of water - albeit different bodies of water.
6. Others
People generally didn't understand our relationship. People didn't know what we were like together, some were skeptical of our relationship (including my dad and Rex's mentor). Many people thought we had met online. Friends or roommates would make fun of me if I told them something Rex did that I thought was very sweet. Some people would just ask me if I wanted to marry him, and I was definitely still in the stage that I really didn't know yet. It was a process that we were working through. I found two people I could talk with about our relationship, my sisters Laura and Ginnie. They didn't make fun of me, they helped me think about what was healthy, what was not. They let me confide in them, etc. Honestly, because of being gone for so long and friends in the US feeling distant and friends in Romania not feeling close enough to be confidants, I ended up confiding in Rex more and more.
Not getting to hug or hold hands was especially hard as well. I'll be honest, there were several times I dreamed that Rex was right there in the room with me, he was so close, but I still couldn't hug him or hold his hand.
I should also mention that not knowing when I would return was very hard. It became especially hard when I realized the funds I had would last longer than the six months I had originally estimated and I could stay closer to nine months. I was torn. Should I work in Romania longer, should I return to Rex like I so badly wanted to do? When I told Rex my dilemma, he reassured me repeatedly with the words, "Rachy, I'm here for you. I'm waiting for you. I'm not going anywhere." I think he already knew he wanted to marry me.
That was my first glimpse of the vows he said on our wedding day, but they were comforting words, words I needed to hear at the time.
This sums up my description of most of the challenges we faced in a long distance relationship. I hope eventually to write about some of the benefits involved as well as the unique aspects of coming home at the end of my time in Romania.
Friday, November 16, 2018
Long Distance Relationships part 1
Two years ago today I arrived home from 8.5 months abroad in Romania where I was volunteering with a missions organization. Just before I had left for Romania a friend of mine (now my husband) and I had developed an interest in each other, and so we were in a long distance relationship for the extent of my time away.
I looked forward to arriving home again with so much anticipation. It was truly a joy to see him again for the first time waiting for me in the airport, flowers in tow.
While the distance was a difficult hurdle, it was also a very meaningful and formative time for us.
I'm thinking I'll present the topic here in this blog and expound on it further in subsequent blogs. I may also include some of my sister's pointers from her time spent in Thailand for six months during her engagement to my current brother-in-law.
So here we go, here are the challenges:
I looked forward to arriving home again with so much anticipation. It was truly a joy to see him again for the first time waiting for me in the airport, flowers in tow.
While the distance was a difficult hurdle, it was also a very meaningful and formative time for us.
I'm thinking I'll present the topic here in this blog and expound on it further in subsequent blogs. I may also include some of my sister's pointers from her time spent in Thailand for six months during her engagement to my current brother-in-law.
So here we go, here are the challenges:
- Time difference
- When schedules allowed for talking
- Needing to be fully present for things going on around us (work, etc)
- Having marriage in mind (which creates its own pressures)
- Not getting to hang out with/in each other's social groups.
The benefits:
- Understanding the value to place on the relationship from early on
- Having a tangible challenge to endure together.
- We developed a strong sense of trust
- We confided in each other and had a close relationship because we talked regularly
Since our relationship developed so profoundly while I was away there were some expected and unexpected occurrences after my return. I'll share those below.
The aftermath challenges:
- People not realizing you've been dating for close to a year
- People not understanding how we interact as a couple
- Having to get to know the other's idiosyncrasies in person
- People not realizing you're in a serious relationship
- People thinking you're ready to get married tomorrow (oh wait, I guess that's all relationships)
The aftermath awesomeness:
- Getting to hang out together, go places together, share experiences
- Getting to be in the same time zone
- Holding hands and hugging
- Being able to observe how the other interacts with other friends and in various social groups
I think I'll describe each of these categories in future blogs. The international dynamic of our relationship might also deserve a few blogs as well. For example: conversations with future in-laws needing to be translated, anxiety of the unknown culture in question, the inability to get to know future family in person, etc.
While I was gone in Romania I had also found a few blogs, articles, and videos talking about how to do well in a long distance relationship. I might try and dig those up as well and post them somewhere.
Wednesday, November 14, 2018
Am I a Health Nut Now?
I didn't realize until today that after a few months not even having sugar in the house and eating almost entirely food made from scratch that there has been something of a change in me. Granted, I still consume sugar - when I stop at my parents' house and snack on something sitting out, when I buy myself a bit of dark chocolate, when I add a drizzle of honey to my oatmeal or something similar, and when sugar happens to be hiding in something that is not generally considered a sweet food. You also have to realize, I don't say no to desserts, I just don't eat a ton of them.
The change is this: after eating a plate full of breaded, sugary, glazed chicken with fried rice and only a 5th of the plate actually holding vegetables, the result was a mild headache and lack of satiation which led to an overall frustration and hangriness. To my dear husband: I sense I am beginning to understand your low mood after consuming sugary foods with more empathy.
I had noticed that I have been enjoying the naturally occurring sweetness in vegetables where I had previously not considered it to be that sweet - carrots, onions, squash, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, and much, much more.
At the same time I find the food I'm consuming to result in more contentment and good energy over all. Think of the potential of eating chicken soup for breakfast because it's on hand rather than a bowl of cereal. It has a significantly higher ability to fuel me for the day and leave me feeling satisfied until my mid-morning meal or snack thing. Yes, I often eat mid-morning because I eat breakfast around 6am, so four or five hours later my belly is asking for more.
So, although I'm not really much of a health nut, I find myself becoming more of one than I thought I was. I am because of my husband's needs, but perhaps it's really for my own needs as well.
The change is this: after eating a plate full of breaded, sugary, glazed chicken with fried rice and only a 5th of the plate actually holding vegetables, the result was a mild headache and lack of satiation which led to an overall frustration and hangriness. To my dear husband: I sense I am beginning to understand your low mood after consuming sugary foods with more empathy.
I had noticed that I have been enjoying the naturally occurring sweetness in vegetables where I had previously not considered it to be that sweet - carrots, onions, squash, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, and much, much more.
At the same time I find the food I'm consuming to result in more contentment and good energy over all. Think of the potential of eating chicken soup for breakfast because it's on hand rather than a bowl of cereal. It has a significantly higher ability to fuel me for the day and leave me feeling satisfied until my mid-morning meal or snack thing. Yes, I often eat mid-morning because I eat breakfast around 6am, so four or five hours later my belly is asking for more.
So, although I'm not really much of a health nut, I find myself becoming more of one than I thought I was. I am because of my husband's needs, but perhaps it's really for my own needs as well.
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